Ghosting *is* Communication

Everyone in your life is temporary. 

Ghosting is defined as “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.” 

Everyone you come across in life is not going to have the communication capability to articulate how they feel. I see people upset that the person they were ghosted by does not communicate in the style that they want. I have read people shame the person as a form of taking back power. Anger is astute. However, shaming people for the way they may want them to be is awful. People who have ghosted are not leather jacket-wearing, beer-guzzling, chain-smoking mirages. There are patterns that affirm more to you than any post-it, card, or text message you wanted could reveal.

Speaking of post-it, I think about the episode of Sex and the City, “The Post-It Always Sticks Twice.” Berger, Carrie’s spark of interest, leaves a message “I’m sorry. I can’t. Please don’t hate me.” Carrie uses the post-it, full of honesty, to rage about what happened to her. Ghosting is incredibly gendered, always focusing on the man as the culprit. According to a 2018 article from Bustle, women are 150% more times likely to ghost than men. I hope the post-its are being bought from a small business. Also, romcoms have failed you. Hollywood owes you a recovery basket. 

Ghosting is a revelation. It confirms to you who you want in your life. The communication you desire to have was revealed to you. There are people who get pleasure from just leaving. Show them the doormat. 

Communication in every relationship is crucial. Ghosting is not relegated to romance. It is job interviews, friendships, relatives, and yourself. Yes, think about the person you said you wanted to become and neglected. Becoming that person was too difficult or you did not have the language and/or tools to articulate who you wanted to be. 

As dating evolves, as will communication. I do not want ghosting to be an anchor of pain. Ghosting brings discernment. Ghosting empowers you to learn. Ghosting is communication. 

To end, I leave you with Beyoncé, who eloquently said, “like a ghost, I’ll be gone.” 

Ashley Paul is a traveler, runner, and baker. She is an Everlasting Bookworm and Culture Maven. She is passionate about supporting high school juniors and seniors to write compelling stories for their post-secondary careers. She loves stories with social commentary, atmospheric writing, and compelling characters.

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