Everyone in your life is temporary.
Ghosting is defined as “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.”
Everyone you come across in life is not going to have the communication capability to articulate how they feel. I see people upset that the person they were ghosted by does not communicate in the style that they want. I have read people shame the person as a form of taking back power. Anger is astute. However, shaming people for the way they may want them to be is awful. People who have ghosted are not leather jacket-wearing, beer-guzzling, chain-smoking mirages. There are patterns that affirm more to you than any post-it, card, or text message you wanted could reveal.
Speaking of post-it, I think about the episode of Sex and the City, “The Post-It Always Sticks Twice.” Berger, Carrie’s spark of interest, leaves a message “I’m sorry. I can’t. Please don’t hate me.” Carrie uses the post-it, full of honesty, to rage about what happened to her. Ghosting is incredibly gendered, always focusing on the man as the culprit. According to a 2018 article from Bustle, women are 150% more times likely to ghost than men. I hope the post-its are being bought from a small business. Also, romcoms have failed you. Hollywood owes you a recovery basket.
Ghosting is a revelation. It confirms to you who you want in your life. The communication you desire to have was revealed to you. There are people who get pleasure from just leaving. Show them the doormat.
Communication in every relationship is crucial. Ghosting is not relegated to romance. It is job interviews, friendships, relatives, and yourself. Yes, think about the person you said you wanted to become and neglected. Becoming that person was too difficult or you did not have the language and/or tools to articulate who you wanted to be.
As dating evolves, as will communication. I do not want ghosting to be an anchor of pain. Ghosting brings discernment. Ghosting empowers you to learn. Ghosting is communication.
To end, I leave you with Beyoncé, who eloquently said, “like a ghost, I’ll be gone.”
![There are times that you need to reach for a book that can help you address the more sorrowful feelings that bubble up in times of grief 📚️
Here are a couple that have come across our desk:
📕Tending Grief: Embodied Rituals for Holding Our Sorrow and Growing Cultures of Care in Community by Camille Sapara Barton (@natlanticbooks)
"An embodied guide to being with grief individually and in community—practical exercises, decolonized rituals, and Earth-based medicines for healing and processing loss"
📘I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This: 18 Assurances on Grief Clare Mackintosh (@sourcebooks)
"Inspired by a viral Twitter thread Clare wrote on the anniversary of her son’s death, this book offers 18 short assurances that are full of compassion. This book is for the loved ones offering support but don’t know what else to say and for the grieving who are searching for answers and a kind voice to turn to."
Do you have a book that you've read that helped address getting through grief?
[alt text: two books on a white table with a green plant in the corner]
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