This post may include affiliate links, which means we make a small commission on any sales. This commission helps Feminist Book Club pay our contributors, so thanks for supporting small, independent media!
The world is on fire, politics are deadly, and morale feels at an all time low. For many of us, real life is spiraling in terrifying ways that feel outside of our control. But picking up a book and escaping into another world still remains one of the easiest ways to take a mental break.
And the explosion of romantasy novels (a portmanteau of “romance” and “fantasy”)—particularly those that showcase women who find their “fated mates”—provides another layer of escapism. Why?
A note that this post focuses on heteronormative romantasy targeted toward women. Queer romantasy absolutely exists in all it’s beautifully varied and multi-hewed glory, but while we can apply some of the following theories to the queer romantasy community, its lushness warrants its own special conversation.
How Heteropessimism Fuels the Desire for Romantasy
Hearing straight women bemoan their lack of sexual fulfillment or dissatisfaction with their male partners is not a new phenomenon. But women are becoming more vocal in their dissatisfaction with the sexual status quo, a phenomenon known as heteropessimism. Asa Seresin, a Ph.D. student studying heteronegativity at the University of Pennsylvania, was one of the first to coin the term. In an article from 2019, Seresin expounds on heteropessimism:
“Heteropessimism consists of performative disaffiliations with heterosexuality, usually expressed in the form of regret, embarrassment, or hopelessness about straight experience. Heteropessimism generally has a heavy focus on men as the root of the problem. That these disaffiliations are “performative” does not mean that they are insincere but rather that they are rarely accompanied by the actual abandonment of heterosexuality.”
Realistically, most women are not able to abandon heterosexuality in their romantic entanglements. But with romantasy, there is a way to address these sexual frustrations. Through reading, they are provided a socially acceptable outlet where they can find emotional and sexual fulfillment outside their coupledom.
Janice Radway famously argued in her pioneering work on romance readers (Reading the Romance: Women, Patriarchy, and Popular Literature) that the relief of fantasizing can make the status quo more endurable. Of course, romantasy isn’t a panacea for all problems in relationships. But it can provide a healthy option for women who feel their sex life is lacking.
Non-Human Love Interests
Early on in this post, I mentioned the term “fated mate.” This is generally a non-human male, devoted and dedicated, who caters to a woman’s every emotional and sexual need, remaining focused entirely on their pleasure. For many straight women in monogamous relationships, this type of experience is beyond anything she could even dream of. Which is why it can only be explained by, say, a situation in which a non-human kraken shifter is the giver of such pleasures.
The male love interest could be a 300-year-old fae prince who, over the years, has had many female partners, granting them unbelievable experience. Which, let’s be honest, is basically anything Sarah J. Maas has written.
Or he could be a sneaky otherworldly bedroom visitor who has tentacles and absolutely knows how to use them! If you find that intriguing, you’d love Tentacle Entanglement by Siggy Shade.
Or perhaps he isn’t constrained by societal expectations of pleasure. Like the aliens who feature in the Ice Planet Barbarians series, he doesn’t have the same hang-ups a human man would.
Making the men non-human adds a level of unreality to the story. After all, you can’t find aliens, dragons, monsters, mermen, animal shifters, or inanimate object shifters (Rubber Duckie Shifter Next Door by Mia Harlan) IRL. These men aren’t on Tindr or OKCupid, or at the bar.
Expectations vs Fantasy
Romantasy gives us a chance to remove the burdensome weight of human expectations, allowing simple enjoyment and providing plausibility to the pleasures described. Societal expectations place very specific parameters around sex. Society’s guidelines stipulate that a women’s pleasure isn’t guaranteed or even prioritized during sex, which could be a contributing factor in the rise in heteropessimism. Especially if a straight woman reads some sapphic romantasy like Faebound by Saara El-Arifi. These fantastical worlds don’t bind themselves to the same constraints. In fact, they place a woman’s sexual pleasure front and center in ways that can’t be found IRL.
Whatever species the non-human man assumes, readers are able to experience something that a human male would not be able to accomplish. Sometimes, this is shown through completely unlikely situations, such as a minotaur milking farm that includes minotaur sized “equipment” (Morning Glory Milking Farm by C.M. Nascosta). Or with unrelenting animal-like stamina that allows the character to ensure their partner’s pleasure (multiple times) before taking their own (A Wolf in the Garden by Allegra Hall).
Isn’t All Romance Fantasy?
The romance genre is one of the best selling areas of fiction, so why is romantasy specifically gaining such ground? Why are other romance stories not providing the same level of satisfaction for the reader? Can’t it be argured that all romance is fantasy? Why does romantasy provide such emotional sustenance for the reader?
I don’t have all the answers, but I do have a theory. The romance genre as a whole is known for tackling tough topics and challenging emotional landmines. These include second chances, infidelity, grief, loss, infertility, financial gains, etc. It is easy for a reader to to see themselves in those types of stories, as they are realistic and could happen. In romantasy, meanwhile, the protagonists are fated to be together. The decision is taken out of their hands. They just have to adapt. In that type of situation, the characters don’t have to worry about the commitment of their partner. Since they were literally made for one another, it removes the emotional pitfalls and struggles true-life relationships encounter.
Romantasy focuses on removing the uncertainty around what your partner is thinking. You know he is devoted to you unconditionally. By creating that emotional security, the reader is able to relax and enjoy the physical pleasure of the relationship.
Traditional romance doesn’t necessarily provide that emotional certainty, even with the guaranteed happily ever after ending. The emotional baggage can produce a heavy toll, stopping readers’ ability to simply enjoy. In the article “Alien Pleasures,” Sarah Brouillette describes her take on the appeal of romantasy:
“Women want something different from their relationships with men. So different that it can only be figured as alien.”
Surrealism in Romantasy
The extremely unrealistic nature of romantasy stories provides space for the reader’s rich imagination, increasing their appeal. Another factor to consider about these books is the fact that many of the non-human men can literally sense or feel what their partner wants. This removes the insurmountable burden of asking for something different in bed. As explained in Faking It by Lux Alptraum, it is quite evident that a woman’s pleasure is often not acknowledged in their sexual relationships.
Being honest in our relationships takes a lot of work, requiring bravery and a safe space. Whereas the aliens take these women as they are, loving them and sexing them up without having to endure those complex, uncomfortable conversations. These books provide the opportunity to normalize and explore aspects of sexual pleasure that are stigmatized in life, from cunnilingus to breeding kinks. At the end of the day, these stories portray non-human male partners whose primary focus is on making their woman feel good. While that shouldn’t sound fantastical, with the number of straight women who have voiced their dissatisfaction with their relationships, it appears to be otherworldly.
Something Lighter, Please!
Woah, that got kinda deep for a conversation about romance and fantasy. Never fear. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Yes, romantasy can play an important role in mental and emotional health. It can also be uncomplicated fun. Check out Steph’s self-care post for a plethora of comedic romantasy so you can enjoy the lighter side of the genre!
Society and relationships aren’t going to be changing anytime soon. It’s a good thing romantasy is here to stay. Give yourself a chance to discover what all the hype is about.
If you’ve already enjoyed some romantasy titles, drop them below, I want to hear about your favorites!
